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[May. 10th, 2009|10:01 pm] |
I just read last year's entries... all, what, five or six of them. What an embarrassing, weird time.
Well, I post a lot of stuff on tumblr now (http://aubreyishere-now.tumblr.com). Not writings so much as pictures of Jim from The Office and dogs... but sometimes, when that blue moon rises. Inspiration's been missing in my life lately -- anyway, I still check here often, making sure everyone's ok. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|01:33 am] |
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sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and my cat is not on my bed. i have to find him before i can sleep again. |
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| San Francisco |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|02:54 am] |
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The guy I have a crush on is my ex-roommate's ex-boyfriend who is my current roommate's girlfriend's best friend. |
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| just kidding! |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|03:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 94122, still. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the stylistics. | ] |
Now I am sitting, waiting for the rapid release of extra strength tylenol. Fox Mulder thinks I can't see him trying to lick the remnants of my yogurt and granola breakfast out of my bowl. I SEE YOU LITTLE MAN. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|03:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 94122. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | smokey robinson & the miracles. | ] |
I've only been drinking Yerba Mate tea lately but today I thought maybe I wanted coffee. I had 1/4 of a cup last night before going to a friend's birthday/pizza party (note to self: maybe next time politely decline an invitation to your absolutely lovely vegan friend's pizza party: soy cheese -while they found the kind the melts-is absolutely no replacement for real, gooey, non-sticking to your teeth cheese-sorry) and felt ok. I am about halfway through this morning (afternoon)'s cup, and oh my god my head is throbbing. THROBBING. This sucks. I thought a guy was cute last night, good thing I am moving!
See you in another month and a half journal. |
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| Countdown. |
[Dec. 11th, 2008|08:35 am] |
Turns out the thing I really need to do is the one thing I really don't want to do. But I have to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|05:35 pm] |
ugggh. maybe i'm just oversensitive.
i was at andronico's earlier and after i paid the guy behind me immediately began talking to the check-out girl about how the dried fruit and granola he was buying was for the plane because "MY WIFE PLANNED US THIS TRIP TO KAUAI A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I'M SO EXCITED, THIS FOOD IS FOR THE PLANE!". i think that is rude. whenever people bring up travel books to me i'm always like, "well, must be nice, have fun on your three week romp in beijing," so i'm sure the girl was just like, "oh cool, well i'll be here checking out groceries while you're sunning your middle aged body in kauai, jerkoff."
yeah. oversensitive.
i'm wearing a dress for the first time in months. my mom and i are going to dinner. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|12:40 am] |
he threw up twice. with a face like that, who cares?
i do though, we're going to the vet tomorrow. he likes watching stephen colbert and sarah silverman, that means monday nights are his favorite since they're on back to back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|12:52 am] |
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there is this guy who comes into green apple at least three times a month to buy a present for someone. he always buys the brief and wonderous life of oscar wao, fucking ALWAYS man. he gets that book and he gets it wrapped, and i'm the one who wraps it. this guy, like, maybe one of the first times he came in, asked me out. at the time i thought he was cute and all, he had a beard and dark eyes, his hand shook while he was handing me his credit card (he asked me out mid-transaction, smooth, right? in between, "debit or credit?" and "do you need a bag?") and that of course charmed the shit out of me so i was all, "oh.. sure!" and gave him my number and vague schedule details and then texted maddie. he called me the next day and as soon as i saw his name on my callID i was like, "oh no," so i guess nevermind. i texted him periodically with pretty noncommital statements until i finally made up some sob story about not being in the right place or whatever for hanging out and watching a band or getting a drink. whatever he wanted to do at the time, i don't even remember. i ran into him once outside the store, on the corner of 6th and geary. i was late for work and i saw him as i approached the corner and i debated whether or not to cross the street in the opposite direction. i didn't, figuring he would a)not make it to the light in time to awkwardly chat, b)not want to awkwardly chat, or c)not recognize me. well he made it and he recognized me and he stopped to awakwardly chat. i don't know what he said to me but whatever it was i responded with, "oh, i'm late!" and walked off. now i see him in the store and ring him up and wrap his book and i feel like an asshole all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2008|02:05 am] |
I feel better, like a lot better. When I introduced myself to someone at a party last night they said, "Nice to me--oh! Aubrey. AUBREY. I know you, or I've heard about you," and I said, "Oh, umm..." and looked at my feet nervously. "No, no," he started, "good things. Like REALLY good. Whatever you're thinking, it's wrong. Unless you're thinking good things, then you're right." "Oh, umm..." he probably thinks I love my feet. Anyway, we ended up talking for a long time throughout the party and at the end of the night he said, "You live up to what people say about you."
OH, UMM. |
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| i was The Drunk Girl last night |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|06:49 pm] |
Umm, umm.
My stomach hurts. I don’t know, but I do. I also don’t (but do) know why I left a bag of books, face wash, and FEMININE HYGEINE PRODUCTS at Little Shamrock. Like, how embarrassing right? The bartender totally gave me drinks for zero $$$ and I’m like, "Cool, here are some tampons dude." Makes sense I guess, considering.
Some things I will try not to do in the near future:
1. Leave bags of my belongings places, obviously.
2. Drunk dial? I mean, really.
3.
Forget it.
So, weird thing. Middle of the night/early morning, like before sunrise has officially become The Saddest Time. Is it normal to categorize time? Anyway, I fucking hate it. A couple weeks ago I was sitting on a picnic table outside at that time and it was the worst. All of a sudden I felt like I had lost something, some-not-tangible-thing like my sense of wonder or my first memory or the look Maddie and I give each other when we see a cute dude/awful person. Or, you know what. The garage key. The Saddest Time feels like I lost the garage key. This is all very melodramatic, I know, but. Whatever. Warned you, weird thing.
I should search Craig’s List for solutions. Maybe it’s just a missed connection. |
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| i don't know. |
[Mar. 21st, 2008|12:23 am] |
I woke up this morning to a Myspace survey I never asked for in my inbox.
"What is the best feature about me: You walk kinda weird, but do it really naturally."
Why do I feel like this is the best thing anyone has ever said about me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|07:18 pm] |
When I closed my eyes I could almost feel sunlight creeping through my veins. The concrete backyard where the picnic table I was lying on disappeared, along with the metal chairs with the sunken in seats and my new collection of cigarette butts. I want to be back when 4am didn't exist and late afternoon is all there was. |
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| secret karate lessons. |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|01:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 94122. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dirty dancing. | ] |
Man, a lot has happened since 2/18/08, some inferrances will have to be made.
Two days ago Evan and I went to North Beach to pick up some books I forgot in a 2-drink minimum haze and decided to walk to the ocean from there. The end of Columbus is Fisherman's Wharf which we laughed about every five minutes. "Haha, we're at Fisherman's Wharf." At the Musee Mecanique he tried to win this game
and didn't because he misunderstood the directions. He also tried this game
and kind of lost because he wasn't strong enough for the medium setting. I told him when the game was invented men were like, coal mining and lifting rocks for 14 hours a day so he shouldn't feel to badly, you know? I guess that worked or maybe it didn't, either way we just held hands and stuck to games that needed quarters over skill. I learned from the "Be the Captain of Your Life!" game I'm going to be a Chiropractor and a grandma prophesized that my money woes will soon be gone and a trip will bring me happiness. We walked around for hours, bought Girl Scout cookies, and sat on a bench facing the Golden Gate Bridge while I finished my sandwich from a few hours earlier. Things are going pretty well with this whole thing I guess. He's moving to Arizona in July or August which bums me out every once in awhile and I catch myself saying shit to Maddie like, "Man, I don't want him to move to Flag(staff) and think some other girl is pretty enough to kiss" and that's pretty dumb. I can't live the next four or five months with thinking like that, hopefully I can make myself not. Or maybe we'll "break up" next week and that will solve a lot of things. Maybe not.
I slept through almost all of yesterday. First I slept in public for three hours and now have an awkward sunburn on my arms. Next I slept on my couch during Pecker, which I am convinced I am not meant to watch all of, ever. I took a shower to wake myself up, but ended up falling asleep right afterward and woke up a couple hours ago. I don't know. The last couple days have been kind of perfect. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2008|01:52 pm] |
bruise constellation.
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| xxx-posted |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|09:53 pm] |
[originally written on monday, 2/10/08]
i went to the zoo yesterday with julius. it was a beautiful day and i took it upon myself, the adult -?-, to make sure we did not spend the day watching curious george over and over and over... just twice, in the morning.
at the zoo we stay mostly on the africa trail, hanging with giraffes [my favorite] and gorillas [julius' favorite]. we go to the playground and play with fake lions because the real lion and tiger cages have been closed off for now. we see more monkeys, a million different types of birds [also my favorite], and julius takes an interest in the plant museum [my favorite, AGAIN] type thing they got going on. we actually spend a good amount of time there, running our hands across flowers and plants we're allowed to touch. julius giggles everytime. we get hungry!
we decide to eat at the LEMUR CAFE where i very quickly notice a girl, staring at me. she looks vaguely familiar, and is smiling. at me? i'm not sure, so i avert my glance. while julius explains the positives and negatives of using three different little container things for his ketchup wants and needs for dipping i can't help but feel the left side of my face tingling, my left ear practically on fire. the kind of fire that feels like it is coursing through your lobes, up, down, around. i turn my head slightly and she is still staring, still smiling. definitely at me. julius too, probably. i'm not sure what my face did, i can't control it i've been told. i hope nothing too offensive, i'm guessing it just did something that plainly said, "who are you? i'm not smiling back because i'm flipping through snapshots of everyone in my life and i can't find you. I'M SORRY. kind of?" finally another person sits down with her with a tray of food. a guy who looks sorta like justin long, and it clicks. they were shopping at green apple on saturday night and i forgot to give them their backpacks after they handed me their numbered clothespins.
"CAN I HAVE MY BAG BACK, PLEASE?? I GAVE YOU MY PIN AND YOU JUST TOOK IT. YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME MY BAG."
i casually scratch at my chest to make sure i'm not wearing my green apple tag. nope. now she's eating a chicken tender and still staring. justin long is staring now too, although not as much. maybe he gets how awkward this situation is, though he's not doing anything to stop his girlfriend. the level of uncomfort i feel keeps rising and julius is refusing to finish his corndog and refusing to let me throw it away so we can leave the LEMUR CAFE. i decide to make eye contact with the girl. this girl, who frantically accused me of trying to keep her jansports just sixteen or some odd hours earlier. i look. i smile. her perma-half smile [or so i thought] turns into a full on smile. she kicks justin long under the table ["doesn't she know the tables have open bottoms?" i wonder]. he looks over, smiles. they both turn away from me, smile at each other. and that's that.
in the end, julius never finishes his corndog. |
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| i think it's infected. |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|04:06 pm] |
"i need a band-aid."
"why?"
"i bit my nail too far down."
"what're you biting your nails for?"
"i'm nervous!" |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2008|12:42 am] |
if only it were that easy. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2007|11:32 am] |
"That part always comes right before I wake up. I am crawling, and then suddenly, I remember: the earthquake happened years ago. This pain, this dying, this is just normal. This is how life is. In fact, I realize, there never was an earthquake. Life is just this way, broken, and I am crazy to hope for something else."
- Miranda July, "Majesty" |
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